How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help you stop spinning and start living
There are so many therapeutic approaches out in the world now, gone are the days of lying on a leather couch staring at inkblots with a bearded chap and a clipboard! As our understanding of the human mind advances so too are the modes of therapy and it can feel quite overwhelming when it comes to choosing the right therapist and modality for you.
Many therapists claim to offer “transformational” results, but the truth is therapy isn’t that magical, it requires hard work and commitment from both therapist and client to work collaboratively on therapeutic goals.
I’ve found that one of the most significant shifts in therapy comes from being able to take meaningful action to create and sustain change. In my therapy and coaching, I draw on many different psychological models depending on my client’s needs and what they ultimately wish to gain from their sessions. One approach I find particularly powerful is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I’m going to introduce you to “Emma” and guide you through her experience of ACT.
Meet Emma. She’s a working mum juggling meetings and deadlines alongside school runs, laundry piles and a to-do list that never seems to end. Emma describes herself as a perfectionist and regularly procrastinates on work tasks, she is a people-pleaser, and her own harshest critic. Emma compares herself to everyone else, convinced they’ve got it all figured out and that somehow, she’s failing, collapsing under a mental load that overwhelms her. Somewhere along the way, Emma feels she has lost her spark. The things she used to love like being creative, early morning runs, meeting up with friends or even just a quiet cup of coffee now feel like luxuries she can’t afford the time for. I ask her “what sparks joy for you?” at this point Emma breaks down admitting between the tears that she doesn’t know what's meaningful to her anymore, “I’ve spent so long putting everyone else's needs before my own I can’t remember what my values are and what’s meaningful to me, what am I even doing with my life?!”
Does this sound familiar? Many of my clients, for one reason or another have come away from what matters to them deep in their heart and are no longer clear on what's important to them. It is this disconnection from their values that is often an early sign of depression, stress or burnout and anxiety. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is like a GPS for your mind, helping you navigate the chaos without getting stuck in mental traffic.
At its core, ACT is about acceptance and taking meaningful, values driven action. It doesn’t promise to erase negative thoughts or feelings, because science tells us that trying to suppress them only makes them louder. Instead, ACT teaches you to notice them, step back, and let them exist without letting them run your life.
Using these 4 concepts, here’s how it helped Emma, and how it could help you:
1. Notice your thoughts without judgment.
Maybe your brain screams, “I’m failing at everything!” ACT helps you see that thought for what it is, just a thought, not the truth. Neuroscience shows that mindful awareness reduces activity in the brain’s threat detection regions therefore calming the nervous system.
2. Reconnect with your values.
Ask yourself what really matters to you? Creativity, connection, health, adventure? ACT helps you clarify your values and use them as a compass for how you wish to live your life, being the sort of person you want to be. Acting in line with your values boosts dopamine, giving you motivation, satisfaction and ultimately a feeling of fulfilment and purpose.
3. Take committed action.
These actions don’t need to be huge, just small, intentional steps toward your values, even when fear or doubt pops up. Research shows this approach improves wellbeing and reduces burnout, perfect for those of us juggling multiple roles.
4. Defuse from unhelpful thoughts.
If you ever get stuck in those “what if” loops, ACT teaches techniques to create distance from those unhelpful thinking patterns. Studies using FMRI imaging show this changes the brain’s stress response, so anxious or self-critical thoughts have less power over you.
So, how did all this look for Emma? After creating time in her busy schedule, (something she didn’t believe she had initially), we started working on tiny changes, just five minutes of mindful journaling in the morning, ten minutes for a child-free coffee and after some in-depth values work Emma began pausing during her day to check-in with her core values, saying “yes” to what sparked joy and pulling back on what didn’t. Slowly, she felt herself reappear - her spark returned. She remembered what was important to her. She began living more intentionally and described feeling “alive” once again. She signed up to a Women & Wild Hiking weekend this year making new friends who she has since kept in touch with. Emma and I now check in once a month to make sure she’s staying on track, using the space to reflect and navigate any obstacles.
ACT isn’t about striving for perfection or chasing constant happiness, it’s about finding space for yourself even when life gets messy. We cannot avoid crappy times and the emotions that come with, but if you’ve ever thought, “It’s too much, I can’t manage this, I need to stop stressing, and start living my life,” this could be your first step.
✨ Want to explore how ACT could help you reignite your spark?
Book a coffee with me, and let’s chat about how we can help you rediscover what matters, take small steps toward a calmer, more fulfilling life, and find a little more YOU in your day.
